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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an audience. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my way of offering access, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the work we create together can achieve: an opening. I understand not everyone enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private filmmaker, but companions help each other in small ways. I thought filming a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I understand that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She needs to honor Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?